Year of the Dogtooth

I am constantly haunted by the spectre of my extreme awkwardness

I am completely frustrated with myself. Ever since I graduated college (though I still don’t have my diploma since I am a flake and haven’t transferred credits in order to get my diploma) I haven’t really made any art. I got on tumblr because I wanted to be looking at images that inspired me. If I wasn’t actively creating, I wanted to have access to the work of those who were creating. I’m a collector and an image hoarder, and the volume of images on tumblr let me sift through and curate what I liked and present it. 

But now I’m not even looking at anything. I live in a town with a large art community, and I have access to Cornell’s art museum, but do I go? Do I use my resources? No. I’m so unmotivated. I don’t even know what I like anymore, what I want to make, or what’s the point of making art in the first place. I don’t have a functional workspace set up, I feel too fat to even be creative with my clothes because I don’t want to spend time looking at/acknowledging my body (which is silly, it is how it is right now and there’s no reason not to honor it)

I need a purpose or a mission or a project or a goal or an idea of what I’d like my life to be like or something like that.